Half of You.

This sudden calmness has come over me. Everything is still. I'm not moving, the rest of the world is a complicated blur. But i'm still here, in an imperfect way. I could care less what anyone says or thinks. You guys think i'm happy? think i see you? not even close. think i'm doing better? i'm getting over it? i laugh at you and everything you are. just because i'm letting go, doesn't mean i'm happier for it. doesn't mean i want to do it, but i need to. it makes me question myself though. why wasn't i good enough? why couldn't i be that person for you? why didn't you see me anymore? and how come i'm so completely incapable of being loved? these are the basis of my thoughts. I would love to have them answered. because i just can't see where i went wrong. i tried and tried and tried for you. and that's whats killing me. cause you used to try for me, but than you gave up. You gave up on me and you gave up on us. But it's all done with. and i've accepted that. After all this, i still respect you and love you and always will. no one will ever understand me the way you did. no one will ever get this amount of feelings from me but you. i have to say goodbye to that part of me. that part of me that loves. and i have to say goodbye to you. Or at least you in that way. And i have to let myself drift away for awhile. let myself heal. get lost in the road or something. basically just get lost in myself. wait for the day until maybe i'm me again. or until i feel okay again. for now i'm leaving it all behind.