Confused.

Maybe i am at the bottom. The ultimate low of life. Pushed in the dirt and shoved away. Let go and forgotten. I don't regret. I never have. But i will say that i have been greatly mistaken these past sixteen years of my life. I have been kept in the dark. Away from pain & misery. Thinking that this would never be me. It couldn't be right? But it is. I have changed. I have never had more hatred for myself, than now. It's not really surprising because i've always blamed myself for everything. I feel like i failed. Like i failed myself and the people i love most. The people that i consider dead, literally and emotionally. What can i do? The past is in the past. People have come and gone, just like my emotions. But all in all i am scared of who i am and what i am becoming. There is no turning around. I'm terrified, disgusted, betrayed, and hurt. But it's on me. it's all on me--