hmmm

I want to go back to another place, in another time. I want to be at the beach with the cool tingle of the water hitting my feet. With the sunrise bringing about another day. I want to read a book and have it give me some meaning about this cold, harsh life. I want to fill this empty space i have in my chest that aches day by day. Maybe i'll fill it with words or truth or drugs or memories. But this does not fill it forever. It does not satisfy. Because that constant aching comes back, and i start to relive everything over again. I don't know if this desolate space can ever be fulfilled. I'm hoping it will just diminish and never come to mind again. but i know that won't happen. things are not forgotten no matter how hard anyone tries. when your happy, someone elses pain doesn't matter right? well that's exactly how it is for me.. my pain does not matter to anyone. thats okay. i don't need anyone's pity or advice or fake sense of caring. i'm on my own now, that's how it is. i have pushed everyone away or at least tried to, because i will not be weak. i will not be dependent on someone. i do not need anybody. that's all.