Too late?

I ask myself after all that's happened in this fucked up year, where has my soul gone? where have i gone? what happened to me? And yet in reality i know i will never be the same again. I have seen more loss in this past year than i have in my entire life. I don't want to be numb anymore, i don't want to deal with any of this. I can't do it. When i think i'm okay again then yet another thing goes wrong in my life. How can i try to bring myself up when an abundance of things are bringing me down constantly? Time is a blur, fuck, my life is a blur. The days pass and i forget that i was even a part of anything. I AM ALONE. i sit here tonight ALONE. And think back to when things were simple. To when i had that person to fall back on & love. To when i actually knew who i was in life. To when i knew where i was going. Now all i am is lost. I do not see my impact on the world. I do not see my reasoning for being here. Truthfully i feel worthless, i feel that i am incapable of being loved. but what else is there to say. I've said it all, im up, then down. I pretend, i cry, & i sit here & complain. Acting like writing this will make things better when it won't. Acting like that person will come back to me & need me & miss me, when they won't. Acting like i'm not alone, when really that's all i am. I hope one day,maybe, someone will need me. someone will love me. someone will see something in me. Maybe, when i least expect it that person will come back to me, the person i want & need the most?

---Outside my complaining, there is a couple of good things. First and foremost THE RAIN. Second and lastly i hope "you" have fun tonight, i know things will go well. If they don't i will definately be kicking some ass. haha. But really this is a whole new chapter in your life. Take advantage of this good change. i love you more than the world.