Visions of who I'm supposed to be or what I'm supposed to do cloud my judgement. Why is it that we are always looking for a way out? When we haven't even found our way in. It's the fear that stops us. It's the fear that we all fear. Sometimes I just want to step back and shake myself..to snap myself out of my fear-infested worries. I want to be able to commit. I want to know the brave and bold love. The kind that breaks you away from your own reality, if only for a second. I want to be the impossible. I want to be that overwhelming feeling you get when life flashes right before your eyes. I want to be the times that are changing. I want to be it all. And yet I am here.. I am all that I am. Maybe that's all I need. "Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of the standardism of everyday life, out of everything being the same. It yanks you out of your body and your mind and throws you against the wall. I have the feeling that drinking is a form of suicide where you're allowed to return to life and begin all over the next day. It's like killing yourself, and then you're reborn. I guess I've lived about ten or fifteen thousand lives now."