Just words.

Sometimes at the most random of moments, i think about you. I think about what you used to be, and how you used to be here. It's almost impossible to describe the conflicting emotions i have. It's impossible to show the capacity of what i feel each day. I just want to take things back ya know? I want to go back and repair what i did. It's so difficult for me to obtain the acceptance i know i should have. And for some reason.. i can't. I can't look at things the way they are, instead i over-analyze and take things a 1000 times harder than anyone else. And i wonder.. is that beneficial to me, or is it just bringing me down? And i second guess myself. because i think if maybe i was like every other person out there.. wouldn't i be better now? Wouldn't i be happy again? I don't know anymore. I don't know if i'm the person i want to be. because this person seems so weak. So, instead i put on a front for all my friends and family. it seems easier than trying to elaborate on things i know they won't understand. and i'm the only one to blame for that. I'm the only one distancing myself from the world i used to know. I'm not giving anyone a chance to actually understand anything i'm going through. at least this way it's uncomplicated for them. I've grown to realize that the majority of people out there only see what's right in front of them. They don't look deeper into your actions or words. So i don't see the point anymore. because no one so far has seen the deeper meaning. And it would really mean a lot if someone could see it. if someone could just see me again.