What time has done

I'm back to square one. To that tiny box that suffocates me as time progresses. And i'm sick of not being able to breathe. Next Wednesday's coming up, and i wish i could feel the urge to want to celebrate my life.. but i don't. Another year for me, another loss for her. it's not okay. Every day i feel uneasy.. as if somethings missing. Because so many pieces are gone now. It's like parts of me have disappeared, and no matter how hard i look i can't find where they went. I want to be me again. I need to be. I have to help the one's i love, i can't continue to feel sorry for myself. But i'm stuck. i'm tied down to this invisible wall that won't let me go. I just want to be let go. I wanted to be able to help. but i couldn't do anything, i just sat there and watched as my life crumbled before me. So now its in ashes.. my mind, body, and soul.