12.50

It was a normal tuesday. Any other tuesday in any other week. why a tuesday? why so soon? how can i go about my days trying not to feel like i'm the most selfish person in the world? like maybe you deserve so much more than you got dealt. how am i supposed to go on when such a soul as yours was lost? i wish i could've prepared myself for something like this. i tried to, i really did. but i failed terribly. i wanted to see you, but i can't now. my time is out. your time is out. and i can't come to terms with that. i can't look into anyone's eyes without feeling hate. hate for this happening. hate for me not being able to do anything about it. and hate for trying to let myself be okay. it's not right. how can this possibly be right? this is completely fucked...completely. And i just wish i could talk to you. that's all i want. i took too many things for granted. i took you for granted. and i wish i hadn't. i should have been there for you, i'll never forgive myself for that. i'll never go by a day in my life without thinking of you and the strength you had. i love you. and i'm hoping you knew that.