Nobody knows.

I went on a long walk tonight, just me and my thoughts. I am tempted. I am pushed. And i don't understand. Life is a series of collisions, when fate combines with reality. The truth is pushed right through your soul, your mind, your whole being. There are decisions. To leave, to stay. To die, to live. But all in all we cannot help what is going to happen. Nothing lasts forever. I wish there was a part of me that could think undoubtedly.. i can't though. I have been impelled to not feel, to not trust, and to not love. I have closed myself off like a box being taped up and put away. There is no way out, this is the actuality of it all. And i'm scared, i'm truly mortified that i will be stuck in this impulsive and contradictory mind frame. I don't want to be here, i don't want to be this person. I guess it's too late now. I cannot change what has already changed. This is who i am, and i'm not proud of it.