Despair

I thought i could keep it together. I thought i could be composed, at least for myself. But stupid me took a step into the past. I opened up that journal. And everything came crashing down on me. To when i mattered. To when things were incredibly good. To when i understood where i was going. Every commendable feeling that i felt these past two weeks were illusions. I truthfully believed i was getting better. I considered that maybe things could be greater for me. But they can't and i see that now. The truth always comes out. Officially i am as lost as i can get. There is no turning around, that is all.