Today, what could have been.

I suppose i've come to terms with what really happened. I accept it all, there's not much else i can do. I'm not mad anymore, maybe a bit disappointed and sad. But in time that too will pass, just like the anger did. Wish everything else going on in my life would pass. It's like i've got a million more obstacles to conquer and i'm not even half way there yet. No lies, i'm just gonna put it out there.. i'm not okay. And i know deep down i won't be for a while. As of right now i'm taking things as they come, day by day. I do not expect goodness or happiness to come my way. I think that's good, preparing myself for the worst ya know? After hitting rock bottom all i can do is try to pull myself up. Not knowing whether i can do that at the moment, but i can try. I guess things happen for a reason just like what happened a little over a month ago, what happened just a week ago, and every little thing in between. I do have my reasons for doing what i did. No it isn't a lie and maybe some of you aren't getting your facts straight. But you can't go back in the past and undo what already happened. And just so i can get this off my chest; i'm sick of people judging me. i'm sick and tired of people trying to look in on my life and think they know everything that goes on in it. I don't want any of your pity or any of your opinions. I am trying to cope. I'm trying my best. Yes, i know i'm obviously not at my strongest and it will probably be a while before i get there again. But let me do what i want to do. Let me breathe and be my own.