Dec. 1st

Surprisingly on this day, the most, i wish i could be there with you. I wish i could be there to make you happy. I know i can't. Shocking, but i miss you. I miss everything, the way things used to be. The way i used to feel. A month has gone by and yet i'm still fucked up. I urge to find a button i could press to make this go away. I want it all to go away. But i'm numb, so fucking numb. And the funny thing is i know you could care less. You don't give a shit. Your gonna go smoke your weed, and i'm gonna go smoke mine. That's all well and good for you. I feel like everything was a lie. Everything you told me was a lie. And i let myself get pulled in. I love you, and i hate myself for it. I hate that you did this to me. I hate that you turned out to be everything i never wanted you to be. And i hate that you can walk by me or look at me like we never had anything at all. You can look at me straight in the eyes and not show the tiniest bit of emotion towards me. Did you ever care? You must have. But that guy seems so far away from me now. You've disappeared and i've lost you. I look at this in disgust from the fact that this year and 4 months, all the connection we had, and everything we shared meant nothing to you. And yeah we can remain so called friends, but i can never look at you the same. I hope you know that. But i know my opinion or feelings don't matter to you. So okay say what you want, say i'm crazy, say i need to figure shit out, and get over this. Say all the words that you possibly could. I don't care. I don't care about anything. I'm so weak and i'm not even here. So there you go if your accomplishment was to hurt me and break me down in every possible way. than you got what you wanted. You have the life you wanted now. You have the life you chose. I'm officially gone. That's all. That's my life..emptiness.